Getting real and Keeping it real

Hey Hey,

So this blog is going to be a little deeper.  I will share some of my current struggles with trying to get out of my head and maybe with sharing it I will get out of my head.  So…  here goes nothing.

I want to be a positive person and not write about negative self talk or body image bullshit.   As I prepare to go to Hawaii, I am less than happy with the current state of my body.  I had really planned to be 20+pounds thinner right now.  Well I’m not and  have added little more than what I started with.  If you have read my other blogs you know I am about “no more dieting and self love”.  That is true but getting there is not easy.

I had a tough year, I have some very serious back issues (3 bulging disc’s and 3 compressed nerves)  This caused a lot of pain and I had to give up a lot of things I loved fitness wise.  I also had to retire from being a massage therapist after 18 years.  This left me not knowing who I was and honestly depressed.  At the end of September I lost my mother, losing a mom is hard to say the least.  I loved my mom very much but we had a less than perfect relationship and that adds a layer to the loss.  Needless to say I gained some weight and struggled to get my life back on track and actually find my new life.  This is part of the journey I am currently on.  Finding my way.

So in reaction to gaining weight and not really being able to exercise, I went on more extreme diets this last year than I ever have…. Paleo, Keto, green smoothy, weight watchers among others.  Guess what happened, I lost about 7-10 pound in a week with each diet but then when I could not live like that anymore it came back with it’s little friends.  So yes, when I say I am done dieting I mean it.  I want to be healthy and fit but I believe until I make peace with myself and food I will never be content in this wonderful body of mine.  Food no longer needs to by the bad guy.  Food is wonderful and it should be enjoyed.

I belive once I truly love and respect myself and create a positive experience with food the rest will fall into place.  Will I look 20 again, no but I am not.  I am a healthy, sexy 50 year old.  I will go to Hawaii and attempt to stay out of my head at lease keep the words from be spoken (gotta start somewhere).  Rock my bikini and live large.

Peace love and joy,

Christy