Family lost and family not found

Loss, Loss is beyond hard.  Losing my Mom this year has been almost unbearable, losing my oldest sister 3 years prior was beyond hard, I also lost my father when I was 18, a man adored.  But this blog is about something else.  I don’t have to go into detail for someone to understand how hard it is losing family members.

But this is about Family NOT found.  It is a whole different type of loss.  How can you feel loss for people you don’t know… Well it is very possible and it is a deep profound feeling.

Let me back up a bit, I found out shortly after my Mom’s passing that the Dad that I loved beyond words was not actually my father.  To say I was shocked and devastated is an understatement.  It’s a long story but it is true, DNA proves it.

After I came to terms with all of this.  I decided that I wanted to find out who I was, who is my father, is he still alive, do I have siblings, are they like me, would they like me.  This father would never take the place or discount the father I love and adored.  I did find the “family” I don’t know which one is my DNA dad but I believe I have found my uncle.  I have at very least found the family that is a DNA match to me, but I don’t know how they are all related to me.  I have reached out to a couple family members and no one has responded to me.  This hurts more than I can express.  I have tried to let it go, the hurt is so deep, I can not even explain it.  I don’t know.